Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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