so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
