Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
