i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
