There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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