I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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