I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Even my vagina gasped.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
