He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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