Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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