I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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