why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
