This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had to cum in my sink.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
