he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
