He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
