there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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