just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
