We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
