Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize