i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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