I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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