I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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