If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My life is pants optional.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
