I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize