how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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