Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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