Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
