he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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