He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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