Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
