new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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