I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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