i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
worst night to have a conscience
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
