thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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