Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
