Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
