I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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