Who wears a wallet chain?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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