I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
