Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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