New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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