Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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