I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
