The beer is more important than you right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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