i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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