He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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