So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't turn off my feet"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm too high and old for this...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
