i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
