Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
