did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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