I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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