P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
