It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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