Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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