Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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