Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
