I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
