Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
