just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
