dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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