o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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