When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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