i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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