Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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