that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
