Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
