Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
