I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
