God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
