Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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