Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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