apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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