Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
