Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
